Revealing Me: Changes

Wow, I have actually committed to a blog series and have finished my 4 points! Now it is time for this promise I made in my introduction: "And then I will reveal what changes I am making or have made in my life this year that I truly believe are going to help me to draw closer to God."

Changes I have made. To start, I have had to make a lot of changes from a few years ago. From this series you can sort of see that there was a time when I was on a 'spiritual high' then came a spiritual low which made me try to find other ways to feel 'high'.

God is amazing, He has saved me from myself so many times. Not only did He send Jesus to die for our sins so that we can go to Heaven, He keeps saving me everyday from the world.

I'm just going to focus on the changes that I have made this year, to keep the post shorter ;)

I think something we are all guilty of is that we try to fill our lives with 'something'. We make the mistake to think that God can't fill all our needs. Especially when it comes to instant gratification. God isn't always going to 'satisfy' us instantly because that's not how He rolls ;)

In my time away from God, I made a lot of new friends and basically all we had in common was alcohol. Do you have friends like that? Friends that you only visit over a bottle of wine or at a bar? Well, my husband and I basically only had friends like that.

I have an addictive personality, and growing up, I was taught that alcohol is socially acceptable. So for me, this lead to drinking more and more. At first my husband said we can only drink when we go out and not have alcohol at home. I eventually convinced him it was ok to have a beer or glass of wine after work every day. After a year or so he finally gave in and we started to have wine or beer at home together. Eventually this lead to a bottle of wine or a few beer. When my husband got a job out of town, I found myself drinking wine at home alone and sometimes a bottle a night. I wouldn't say that I was addicted, but I did have the craving and I definitely don't know when I've had too much.

I don't know what changed in me. But Dec 30th we went to a friend's birthday party. I got drunk, and was hung over the next day. It was that day that I challenged my husband to join me on a mission to not drink at all, for 1 year.

A few reasons I know why I made this choice: I wanted to be healthier, I didn't want to waste days being hung over, I didn't want to waste money (we were spending more on booze then food a month), I didn't enjoy being drunk (didn't like myself when I'm being stupid), and most importantly, I knew this was a major area of my life that was keeping me from God.

To be honest, it was really tough at first. And there have been times where I've thought of having a drink, but we haven't.

Many of our 'friends' have not asked to hang out with us as often so we've had a chance to start to make other friends who do not drink.

This change has made me feel healthier, I feel like I am not wasting my days, and we are saving money, making new friends, so it has been very rewarding. I don't know if I will drink after the year is over, because I don't want to go back to how things were, but I wouldn't mind a glass of wine with dinner every now and then either... I guess that is something I will need to pray about this year.

Another change we've made is a budget. I love Gail Vaz-Oxlade and she has some great tools to make budgets & a cash system on her website. http://www.gailvazoxlade.com/

We've been struggling with this change, this Saturday I am attending a Financial Seminar at my church so hopefully it will inspire me to get back on track. But this change has made us more aware of our money, it has helped us to manage our debt and start saving. We have many aspirations for the future, and without paying off debt and saving, we'll never get there. Some of our pre-2010 friends are very bad influences when it comes to money. They are people without budgets, living for the day. Budgets were never something I was taught when I was growing up either, so the whole idea is very foreign!

The third change I've made is to 'try' and exercise more. This has been the hardest of the 3 to do but it's no surprise to me. I have a very inactive job so getting some exercise is important. "Exercise creates endorphins, endorphins make you happy, happy people just don't kill their husbands" - Elle from Legally Blonde. One of my favorite quotes!! It's true though, for our mind, body & soul, we need to take care of ourselves in all aspects. No toxins, lots of sleep, exercise, laughter, etc. For everything to work properly, we need to treat our body as the temple that it is! I've started swimming, which I really enjoy, so I think that exercising is going to be easier for me from now on.

Another change: My husband and I have been going to church every Sunday. That has been such a blessing for us. We've also tried to be involved with church events, seminars, etc. My husband is not a Christian, so I am thankful that he has been supporting me in this way. It has also created a lot of interest in him, because he wasn't taught anything about God growing up. I am praying that he will be saved this year!

What changes could you make in your life? What do you do that makes you feel ashamed? Maybe write a list of everything you are doing now that could count as sinful or foolish. Then think about what could happen if you stopped doing those things. Think about what you could do instead of those things! Are you living for God, or for yourself?

Revealing Me: Folly over Wisdom

As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. Proverbs 26: 11

Gross.... but so true. Choosing folly over wisdom is a waste of time, it draws you away from God and causes consequences.

A few days ago, I said to my husband (who is not a christian) that I believe a christian who falls, or rebels - falls much deeper then a non christian. In my own experience, it seems that when we give into sin or rebel against our Father, we do & become everything that previously we believed was wrong. It's not enough just to mess up a little, we have to REALLY screw up. And even though he is not a christian, he agreed with me! Because I am testament to that.

How is it that we can be so in love with God and then take a total different direction along the path? I remember saying to myself "I will never do ____, I would never try ____, I hurt for people who do those things but it would never be me". Couple years later I've done everything I said I wouldn't and I'm left asking myself, WHY?
We can't blame everything on Satan. I can understand that he's more interested in destroying a christian then someone who is already going to hell. But we can't always say "the Devil made me do it".

From my previous posts for this series, I have explained a few reasons why I think I fell. What stumps me the most is how I can understand and believe the Bible in every way, and then become purposefully ignorant to everything that's written!

This Sunday our pastor reminded us that Jesus IS COMING BACK. No one knows when He is coming back, do you? What is to stop Him from coming back RIGHT NOW? Are we 'ready'? Will you be able to stand in front of Him and not feel ashamed? We should be living our lives like Jesus is coming back tomorrow. Think about how this would adjust your actions. Do you have your weeks planned out? What is driving your life? Your schedules, your activities, your house, your money? What about God.

"But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. "Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!" Matthew 18: 6-7

"How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. For its profit is better than the profit of silver, and its gain than fine gold. She is more precious than jewels; and nothing you desire compares with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, and happy are all who hold her fast." Proverbs 3: 13-18

We are human, we're going to sin. However, we need to work really hard to prevent sin and to protect ourselves from sin. What areas of your life are 'on the line'. We need to keep each other accountable. We need to read our Bibles! We need to pray! We ARE at war with Satan, don't let him win.

I pray that I will never fall again, in order to avoid that, I need to grow in the Word, in God and as a Christian overall!

Revelaing Me: Acceptance

John 15:18-20 (King James Version)

18If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.

19If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

20Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.

When I read this verse, I felt convicted... how dare I stress or worry about what other people think of me... The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you...

Jesus was hated so much, that he was crucified. Compared to the persecution I will receive from others for my faith - IT IS NOTHING. HOW DARE I!

It is so hard not to get wrapped up in our own little world. To start to think that we are the centre of the universe.

In my life, I have struggled with wanting to be accepted. If I am trying to be accepted by the world, then that will only mean that I will do worldly things! However, if I am trying to win the favour of the Lord, then I should be doing Holy things.

Galatians 1:10 (King James Version)
10For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.

Do Not Worry

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Throughout my life, I have searched for acceptance. I have received it, but usually from the wrong people. When this happens, I am not happy, I am not living my life for God. It is so hard not to worry about the clothes we wear (or don't get to wear). The food we eat (or don't get to eat). It is so hard to not care about these, especially when it comes from worldly and materialistic desires.

How is it that we can be like Jesus, think like Jesus, act like Jesus, when we are such sinful beings. I am learning the answer. We can't! We alone cannot do it. From birth, we are evil, we are of the world. When we are saved, we can be a whole new being.

A great sermon that has inspired me to look deeper at my walk: http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/trial/faith-in-your-new-birth

Revealing Me: Deep Roots

Ephesians 3:17-21

Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

How deep are your roots?

Imagine you are a tree. You've chosen your home to be on hard ground, and it's so hard that you've had to spread out your roots in all directions instead of going down. A big storm is coming. You can feel it. It starts to get windy.... really windy. Your branches are swaying side to side, your trunk is creaking. The wind goes on, and on, and on. Your starting to feel tired, and weak. It should be over soon, right? No, it's getting stronger, and stronger and stronger. You can't hold it much longer, you're not strong enough, maybe you can hold out for a few....more...minutes..... then you lose control, start to fall, your roots painfully burst from the ground.. down, down, down you go.... if only you had chosen better ground to grow your roots.

Psalm 34:8

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

How can we grow our roots? Study, Practice, Pray

How do trees grow their roots? Well, I am not a botanist but I think it would have something to do with food & water! Maybe some sunshine.. ok, let's just stick with 'nourishment'.

How can we nourish our own faith? For me personally (remember I am not an expert), I have to constantly feed myself. I have a big stomach!

Here's what I find helpful (please note that this is not in any particular order) :

- Read the Bible (hehe, der). Seriously though, it's almost like we forget about the Bible. If you take the time to read the Bible, you will become wiser! It is amazing how the words that are written there can still be applied to your life. Just like Jesus, the Bible is living! This is the most important thing you can do. If you don't like to read, then get an audio Bible!

- I Listen to podcasts whenever I can (cleaning house, exercising, riding the bus, before I go to sleep, etc.) By the way I didn't know what a podcast was a month ago, so you're not alone for those of you who are scratching their heads right now! If I had to recommend something, the first person I think of is Mark Driscoll. Here is a great series that I've listened to: http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/proverbs-2009 Start with one of those! During one sermon/study he says something about 'redeeming our time'. Just because you have to do something, doesn't mean you can't also be studying during that time!

- Socialise with Christians. If you spend time with co-workers, what do you talk about? Probably work. If you spend time with friends from your sports team, what do you talk about? Probably sports. etc, etc. If you spend time with Christians, what do you think you'll talk about?

- Read Blogs, there are so many people out there blogging these days. I love it! Here's one that I love www.generationcedar.com

- Go to Bible Studies, Events put on the by the Church, etc. Just more practical relationship building, and faith building tools!

- Find a Church. It is impossible to be a Christian by yourself. Who is there to challenge you? Who is there to encourage you? Who is there to view as a role model? I am not saying churches are perfect. Just like humans, churches are not perfect. They have their flaws, and sometimes they are big. Hopefully you can find a church that you can be involved with - don't just be a spectator. (BTW, just heard a great sermon this morning about Hypocrisy, ouch! Here's the link: http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/trial/temptation-from-hypocrisy)

- Pray! God is there for you, He is listening. He wants to hear your every thought, every concern. He wants to have a relationship with you. Imagine you lived in a house with someone who never spoke to you. Would you have a good relationship with that person?

The consequences

For me, the consequences of not growing my roots is failure... it's falling away from God. It's putting my hope in other things.

Don't turn to self-help books when things are going wrong. Don't think "I've been through worse, I can get through this by myself". Something that has been on my mind this past year, that has challenged me, is the thought "You CANNOT do it on your own!" I am so weak, and broken, I just can't. No self-help book is going to help me. But do you know what, I'm not worried because God can!

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13

And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." -Matthew 19:26

Revealing Me: Introduction

I've seen a lot of people lately talking about your 'blog reputation'. I don't want to be fake and pretend everything is good when it's not... pretend that I am perfect when I'm NOT.

I've been a Christian for maybe... 8 years?? I really don't know and I really can't remember when I asked Jesus into my heart.. I think it was at Bible Camp. Maybe my best friend can help me remember this. I have a very bad long term memory for those of you who don't know me, and those who do know me can confirm this. Sometimes it's a blessing and sometimes it feels like a curse.

In those 8 years I have NOT been the best representative for Jesus. There have been high times and VERY low times as well.

I don't want to use the term, re-born, because I don't feel re-born in my faith. I knew what I was doing when I was in those dark places, and I knew that God was there.. I just don't know what made me do what I did. It could almost be thought of the 'rebellious' years of my faith.. was I rebelling against my Father? I don't know...

What I do feel, is... like I've been given another chance, been given a new desire for God. I know that God forgives, but feeling that is another story.

Unless you know me, it's going to be hard for you to understand what I am saying. I could probably write a testimony that would fill a small book but here's a quick outline... a summary of the last few years:

- Found God
- Changed friends, loved God, spent all my time with God
- Put false hope in many things except God, thought everything was going to be peachy
- Moved far away, big changes, lost hope, felt myself falling
- Crawled out of my hole, found new friends, found acceptance and new way of life
- Moved home, felt ashamed, desired God, thought I was ready to accept God back
- Moved again, left God behind, changed friends, tried new things, fell deep, lost good friendships
- Found boy, still no God, but was ok to be happy with boy, formed new friendships
- Married boy, still no God, but was happy with boy but not so happy with the rest of my life
- After various moves and trials, started to realise that something was still missing
- Started taking boy to church, seeking new friendships and evaluating our lives
- And this is where I am now!

It probably doesn't make too much sense but hopefully you can understand a bit better!

Every day my desire grows, and I hope it never stops. If I had to put a time frame of when I finally started opening my heart to God more fully.. it would be the middle of 2009. If I had to put a date of when I starting desiring to walk more closely to God, it would be end of 2009.

However, it wasn't until early this 2010 that I started making serious changes in removing and dismantling those barriers that are holding me back in my faith.

Just looking over that quick summary has inspired me to talk about a few things that have made me stumble in my walk.

1) Putting hope in all the wrong places
2) Not having deep roots or support
3) The need to feel acceptance
4) Choosing folly over wisdom

And then I will reveal what changes I am making or have made in my life this year that I truly believe are going to help me to draw closer to God.

PS I am not using or do not want to use this to uplift myself, or to brag (which would be very hard to do), or for anything self-serving. I use this blog to inspire others, to help me learn more about myself and God and just as an outlet to unclog my mind (maybe that's what's blocking my memory?) I invite you to kindly message me if ever feel like something I say is inappropriate!